


Never Say Never

by Tshilaba



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-21
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-21 01:19:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4809440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tshilaba/pseuds/Tshilaba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There are things one cannot fully understand without opening their heart and mind to all possibilities. And then, there are things that one has no option but to simply...believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Say Never

She sat in the tent she'd been given, rubbing her temples tiredly as she tried to remember.

All her efforts had been in vain. She'd been with the Shepherds for nearly two months now, and though she was grateful they'd given her a place and a purpose, she wished dearly to remember how she'd wound up in that field with no memory but Chrom's name, and how they felt so close.

She sighed and glanced around the books she'd brought with her. Some had come from Miriel, others still had been loaned to her by the exalt herself. Anything to help the Ylissean army. If only _she_ was of more use...

She groaned and let her head fall onto the surface of her desk. "Damn it..."

"Pardon me, but exactly what has required your damnation?"

"Oh, Miriel." She looked over her shoulder to see the mage standing in the door of the tent. "Sorry, is there something you need?"

"I apologize for interrupting your reminiscing." How did she always know? "But I was hoping to look over that tome I lent you a few weeks ago before I turned in for the night. Would you mind?"

"Er...." Well, that was awkward, since she couldn't recall where she left it.

Miriel adjusted her glasses on her nose. "You _do_ have it, don't you?"

"Yes...maybe..." She sighed. "I'm very sorry, Miriel. It seems as if I can't remember anything."

Miriel sighed, before crossing to where the tactician was sitting. She reached across the desk and plucked a quill from a nearby jar and a piece of parchment. She dipped the quill into the open bottle of ink, tapping the excess off gently, before writing something on the parchment. When she was done, she set the quill down and walked to the tent entrance. "Goodnight, Robin," she said quietly. "Please don't forget that."

Robin frowned. What on earth was she talking about? She looked back to the desk and picked up the parchment the other woman had written on.

_Robin,_  
_Please remember that our trust in you does not hinge on whether or not you recall where you hail from. You are our comrade. A Shepherd just like the rest of us. Whether for days or for years does not matter. We will have your back no matter what. The Shepherds are family.  
-Miriel_

She could feel the lump rising in her throat. What if Frederick was right though? What if she was the enemy? What if she was capable of knifing them in their sleep? How could they possibly still care for her?

She swallowed hard before opening a nearby tome and slipping the parchment in between its pages.

Perhaps she had forgotten her past. But she had her future. And she'd be damned if she betrayed their trust now.

* * *

The way that the sun beat down on the sand was starting to make her head hurt. She shielded her eyes as Cordelia hovered next to her, awaiting orders. She'd asked the Shepherds nearest her to wait and stay out of sight as much as they could as she watched Chrom talk to the dark mage. She ran her thumb along the cool metal of the ring upon her left hand. There was something about that mage that made her...curious...

"What is it, Milady?" Cordelia asked. For some reason, ever since they had announced Chrom's proposal to her, both Frederick and Cordelia had insisted on calling her "Milady". She'd finally broken Sumia of it, thankfully. The pegasus knight watched her carefully. "Should we prepare to attack?"

"...no," Robin said finally. The rest of the troops were inside the courtyard. If she squinted, she could just barely see Emmeryn and her executioner at the top of the spire. They had to get there quickly. But if the dark mage could help them... She caught the raven haired mage staring at her intensely as Chrom walked over.

"This is Tharja," Chrom explained. "She says she will join us, so treat her like you would treat any of the rest of us."

"Yes sir," Cordelia said. She urged her mount a little higher up. "Shall we attack again?"

Robin frowned, surveying the remainder of their troops that hadn't retreated from injury yet. Miriel, Frederick, and Sully, and Cordelia and herself. "Libra?"

"Yes, my lady?"

"Can you treat the injured and stay back with them while Chrom and I deal with Gangrel's commander?"

"As you wish, my lady," he replied with a nod, before crossing the sands to where the remaining Shepherds were.

Robin turned to her husband and Tharja. "Well, are we all ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be," Chrom said. "We need to get to Emmeryn as quickly as we can!"

"I know." Robin glanced back up at the spire as she thought for a moment. "Cordelia...take Chrom and go on ahead so he can get to the exalt. I'll stay here with Tharja and take up the rear. I'll bring Frederick along as well if his injuries aren't severe enough to require a retreat."

"Yes, my lady," Cordelia answered, lowering her mount and helping Chrom on to its back. "Gods be with you!" They were off in a flurry of wings.

Robin sighed and glanced over to watch Libra's work. Unsurprisingly, the dark mage was quiet, her tome clutched to her chest. The tactician watched until Frederick's horse whinnied and he trotted over to where the women stood.

"Your orders, my lady? Libra says that he can handle the remaining wyvern riders."

"I see. I sent Chrom and Cordelia on ahead. As long as they don't encounter any archers, they should be fine. But--"

"There are armoured units within the courtyard. Only magic or a hammer will make them fall with any speed."

"Then we should make haste. Lord Chrom's rapier will not last long." Frederick took off at a canter.

"You're really quite intelligent," Robin said as they followed the knight across the sands.

"Tch. Perhaps." Was that a...blush? It couldn't be.

"So..um, what do you dream about?"

Of all the answers she could have predicted, it was most certainly not the one she received.

"You want to know? You care, don't you?! I dream that you'll... Gah! I can't say it!"

Robin blinked and slowed to a stop. "P-pardon?" She studied the woman for a moment, nearly hidden behind her tome. _I really did not expect that..._

"My lady, the battle."

"Right, Frederick!"

* * *

She couldn't even talk to Chrom that night. Not when her failure as his tactician had cost not only the exalt, but his sister's life. And they couldn't even retrieve her body to give her a proper burial.

She pulled the ring off her finger and hurled it across the room with a strangled sob.

She didn't deserve it. She didn't deserve to be his tactician. She didn't deserve to be his wife. She didn't deserve any of it.

She buried her face into her hands as she slid down the wall.

The Feroxi had been generous enough to loan them a few chambers, enough so that they all had their own private chambers to spend the night in. Of that, Robin was thankful.

No one could deny her failures then.

She heard the door open, but she didn't care. They'd go away eventually.

Tharja closed the door gently behind her, grunting quietly with its weight. She could see Robin curled in on herself by the wall. Why was she in here all by herself? That dragon girl, Nowi, she thought, had commandeered everyone to the dining hall so at the very least they could remember they were alive. Tharja had never been one for celebrating something so small, and when she noticed Robin wasn't there it was all the incentive she needed to slip away.

But Robin was clearly far from grateful just to be alive...

The dark mage noticed a soft glint on the far side of the chamber and walked over to find a ring on the stone floor, torchlight glinting off its surface. She bent and picked it up, examining the inscription on its inner surface. _House Ylisse_. That meant it belonged to Chrom...or rather, the tactician on the far side of the room. She closed her fist around the ring. If she was honest with herself, she would admit that it quite nearly killed her to know that the woman she'd spent so long looking for already belonged to another. But she wasn't honest. And there were more important things to handle than her wounded pride. She got up and walked over to the tactician and held out the ring. "You dropped this."

"I didn't drop the damned thing."

Tharja sighed and settled down in front of the brunette, folding her legs in front of her. She slipped the ring into a pouch on her hip and decided to change tact, at least for the moment.

"Why are you all by yourself? Everyone else is celebrating."

"What the hell is there to celebrate?" the tactician said bitterly. She'd dropped her hands to the floor by her hips, where they clenched into fists. She refused to meet Tharja's eyes.

"You're alive?" the mage offered.

"I'd rather be dead than live with this failure," Robin muttered.

"You got us out alive," Tharja argued. "That's not failure."

"But I... I promised..."

"You promised what?"

"I promised Chrom we would save her!" she cried angrily, glaring down at the raven haired mage. She'd flown to her feet, hands clenched at her side. "I swore to all of them I would get Lady Emmeryn back! And I failed! She jumped so Chrom wouldn't have to choose between his sister and his people! I swore to him she wouldn't die!"

"She didn't die by Gangrel's hand," Tharja said quietly. "That was what you swore to prevent. You didn't fail them. Chrom, Lissa...all of the Shepherds... They don't blame you for Lady Emmeryn's death."

"What would you know?!"

Tharja rose to her feet and took the tactician's face in her hands gently. "Robin, listen to me. Yes, losing Emmeryn was a painful blow to the Ylissean Empire. But while you're sitting in this chamber beating yourself up over your perceived 'failure', do you know what the other Shepherds are doing?"

Robin sniffled softly. "What?"

"They're celebrating the fact they're still alive. They're putting mistakes behind them and pushing forward." She let go of the other woman's face. "If we didn't make mistakes, how would we ever learn? Do you think magic is all sunshine and rainbows? Sometimes things don't go the way we want them to. Spells that work out on paper might not always work out when experimented with."

"I know that," Robin said.

"So if a spell doesn't work the first time, do you just give up?"

"Of course not."

"The why are you giving up now?"

"I..."

Tharja pulled the ring out of her pouch and slid it on the tactician's finger. "I doubt the crown Prince of Ylisse has given up on you. Why else would he commit to a tactician who, if rumors be true, was an amnesiac found in a field?"

"Well, they're not wrong..."

The door to the chamber slammed open suddenly.

"There you are, Robin!" Nowi squealed, bounding over and catching the woman's hand, seemingly not bothered by the heavy bandages around her torso, pale green ponytail bouncing in her excitement. "Ricken and I were looking _everywhere_ for you! Why are you all by yourself?"

Tharja's brow furrowed in frustration. Was she _invisible_?

"I was just...struggling...with something," Robin explained. "Tharja came and talked to me though."

The girl's eyes widened as if she'd just realized Tharja was in the room. "Oh...okay... You'll come party with us, right? Miss Flavia brought drinks."

"All right," the tactician agreed as she allowed herself to be dragged from the room.

* * *

Time passed by, either through training or through battles, and Tharja stuck by Robin as much as she could. Though she'd been the one to comfort her after Emmeryn's death, it seemed as if Robin had all but forgotten. She barely even seemed to notice when the mage followed her around. Only on the battlefield did she acknowledge the other woman's presence.

One afternoon, the tactician paused and said "Tharja? ...Are you following me?"

"...Maybe," she replied after a moment.

"Maybe?! I've seen you hiding behind tents and wagons all week!"

"Ah. Of course you'd notice, with our fates entwined so..."

"Sorry, what? Our...fates?"

"Oh yes. I realized it the first moment we locked eyes. _She isn't like the others,_ I thought. _She's the one I've been seeking!_."

"Riiiiight. Well, um, thank you? ...I guess?" Robin replied in confusion.

"That's why I've been watching your every...single...move. Yesterday you read two books and part of a third. You snacked on an apple. And last night, you turned over 12 times in your sleep. ...Well below your average."

Robin's jaw dropped in disbelief. "You've been watching me sleep?!"

"I thought you'd be grateful."

"No, I think 'disturbed' is more the word," she replied. "You mean to tell me you've been following me every single day since we met?"

"...Yes."

"I suddenly feel very ill."

"Don't worry," Tharja said. "I'll take care of you. ...Veeery good care."

"Coming from a normal friend, I'd probably be happy to hear that. But somehow when you say it, it's not quite so comforting..."

"Is that what you want, Robin? Someone..."normal"?"

"Well, I...suppose? That's to say--"

"All I needed to hear," the raven haired mage said, before disappearing.

"Wait, Tharja! Stay here! ...Where I can see you! Oh gods, this will not end well..."

* * *

The next battle seemed mostly as they always had and Robin could almost convince herself the mage had forgotten their conversation. But she knew better.

The mage slipped into her tent and came up to her, grinning widely.

"Why good day, Robin! How fare you? Enjoying this weather?"

She looked up from the tome she was inspecting that had been found in the last battle. "...Tharja? What are you doing?"

"What, me? Ho ho! Whatever do you mean? Just a normal greeting on a typical day. ...Why? Are you concerned for my welfare, my lady?"

"Um, well..." Robin mumbled nervously. "I suppose, in a way."

"You ARE?! Why, how sweeeeeet!"

"Actually," Robin amended. "I'm more concerned about whatever you're planning for me."

"Of course I have a plan for you, silly-billy! Now close your eyes and get ready for...A slice of liver-and-eel pie! That's your favorite, correct? Oh, I do so adore baking..."

"...Are you SURE you're all right, Tharja?" she asked again. "You didn't eat anything strange, did you? Miscast a hex? Hit your head on a rock?"

"Oh ho ho, goodness me! Such an imagination you have, my lady." She laughed. "I'm sure I wouldn't know anything about anything strange, much less eat it! Just a typical day for a typical girl here."

Robin sighed. "This is about our conversation from before, isn't it?"

"Don't be silly. Now have some pie!" she said.

"Look, I don't want--MMPH!" Tharja shoved a forkful of pie into her mouth. She blinked owlishly, but the raven haired mage's expectant grin never faded. She chewed it and swallowed. "...Actually, that's delicious."

"Oh, huzzah! I've been working on this recipe every day after normal practice!"

The joy from the deliciousness of her favorite dessert faded as her stomach flipped over. "'Normal practice'...? You mean you've been practicing being normal?"

"Indeed! And it worked! I'm perfectly normal now! Ho ho! My yes, so typically normally plain."

"Do you realize that your 'typical normal' is actually very, very unusual?"

"Oh my, huzzah? Goodness I simply must....something?"

"Tharja, I'm sorry about what I said before," Robin said. "You shouldn't have listened to me. I liked you more the way you were, so can you go back to being the old Tharja?"

"Gracious, I... I have been practicing so diligently as of late, I'm not sure I can stop!" The mage walked off, muttering to herself.

Robin sighed and dropped onto the bench by her desk. She poked at the pie for a few moments. It _was_ very delicious. Better than Lissa or Gaius' even. And Gaius was a master at baking. To think that mopey little Plegian mage went so far just to get her to like her... "By the gods, I've been a fool..." she sighed, shoving the plate away and letting her face fall against her folded arms.

She didn't sleep well that night, or the following. It was almost as if there was something...missing. She took to staying up late, reading over strategies countless times. Every so often she would pick up one of the tomes Emmeryn had given her and her chest would tighten painfully.

Those were the nights she would see the dawn.

She could feel it starting to wear her down as the first week bled into the second. She managed to put on a big enough smile to convince Lissa she was just a bit tired, "probably need some rest", and managed to slip away to the far side of camp. "I'm glad Tharja's acting like her old self again," she said. "A-although..." She shuddered. "I feel... Urk! Ch-chills up my spine..." She rubbed her arms, trying to warm herself. "G-goose bumps... C-can't stop sh-sh-shivers..." She felt the world sway just as her consciousness slipped away.

"Robin? ...You all right? Robin, you're shaking like a leaf!" She checked her forehead. "And your forehead's on fire! Okay, Tharja, think. We need cold water and a spell to bring down the fever..."

"Nnnrgh..." She opened her eyes to see Tharja sitting nearby with a very concerned look on her face.

"Hello."

"Huh? Wh-what happened? Why am I lying here?"

"You lost consciousness and collapsed." The mage's voice was quiet, measured almost. As if she were picking her words carefully. "It was because of the fever."

"Yes, I-I've been feeling unwell for a while. Probably been working too hard."

"I thought you might accuse me of putting a curse on you..." she muttered.

"I'd never assume that! What kind of monster would curse their friend..."

"...Oh. Right. That would be crazy! Heh heh."

"Anyway, thank you so much for taking care of me."

"Didn't you once say you wouldn't want me taking care of you?"

"Clearly, I was mistaken," Robin said, a sleepy smile making its way onto her face.

"You're just saying that because I helped you out," Tharja muttered, hands clenched in her lap as she looked away, her bangs further obscuring her face.

"No, it's true!" Robin insisted. "In fact, I wonder if you wouldn't mind...staying..." She yawned widely. "Just...just for a while..." And then she drifted off to sleep.

"Aw, how sweet. She's sleeping. Sleeping and...helpless. Hee hee hee hee!" She was silent for a long time after until she finally murmured into the empty tent, filled only with the sounds of Robin's slow, steady, and peaceful breathing. "...as you wish, my lady. I'll stay by you until the end of time."


End file.
